I’ve been feeling pretty down today because of the s-risk-static debacle. I mean it’s great that cousin_it and others now like the concept, but at the same time, this shows that we fucked up quite hard at communicating with our static in the first place.
I’m generally feeling that I’m terrible at communicating, writing or expressing myself. Which is bad in itself but exacerbated by my extremely deep and strong desire to be understood. Reminds me of this guy whose only passion in life was singing but then he became mute. (Well, if I remember correctly, the story ended on a hopeful note. He was happy doing painting or something. ETA: Sorry, misremembered. He actually killed himself.)
Anyway, I also run into this problem with the work I’m currently doing (survey of human trade-ratios and correlates). I can already foresee that I’ll totally fail at communicating the importance and relevant content of such a survey and that no one will read the eventual publication without falling asleep (well, I’ll probably get some pity-reads from my co-workers and my girlfriend though. Gotta look at the bright side.). Some time later, someone else will do a similar survey and it will be all the rage. Might as well stop right away and do something more effective.
But what? One idea is that I could do more management, just like in 2016. Or at least the parts you can do with the communicative ability of a stuttering schizophrenic with logorrhea (of which there are many, don’t you worry). Problem is, I already tried to simulate how I’d enjoy doing more managing again. But all I ended up simulating was seeing the bloody remains of my brain splattered across the walls of my apartment.1
Apropos apartment, maybe I should do something completely different. Maybe construction work. “Hey, please gimme that thing with the stuff attached to the long thingy. You know that thing for nails.” “You mean a hammer?” “BOOOOOM BAAAABY! Motherfucking Proust is in da house!!! Seriously though, this is the first time in my life I’ve really felt understood.”
If you put it like this, construction really does sound like a remarkably satisfying career path.
1 Don’t you worry, I’d never kill myself in such a way. Overdosing on heroin seems clearly superior. It’s simple, affordable and effective. Plus, a huge pile of hedons right before the lights go out! Aesthetically speaking, I also prefer edgy over classy. (Though they say you shit your pants, which is definitely a minus.)